A Casual List Of All My Fictional Besties Killed By Joe Goldberg
I’ll say it until the day I die: I’m a girl’s girl through and through, which is one of a million reasons I desperately need to see Joe Goldberg finally get introduced to the consequences of his actions in the final season of You on Netflix. Joe has taken out one too many baddies across international waters for my liking over the years. I’m starting to think his superhuman serial killer powers are setting a bad example. Now, a broken clock is right twice a day, so I kinda laughed/clapped at some of Joe’s kills. But since season 5 is the last season of You (and no, I’m not happy about it, which is why I said it twice), it’s time to free the world of the most prolific serial killer with a big ol’ bang! Until then, here’s a friendly reminder of every person Joe Goldberg killed on You to refresh your memory.
A List Of Everyone Joe Goldberg Killed On You
Before The Show
Joe’s Dad, Raphael
Aww, you never forget your first kill, do you?
Elijah
You’ll remember Elijah as the sleazy record producer who was the boss of Candace (Joe’s first GF). Naturally, after Joe found out that Candace and Elijah were cheating, he pushed the man and his leather jacket to their death.
Season 1 (New York)
Benji
Beck’s blonde boyfriend obvs didn’t stand a chance. Benji was kind of a trailblazer in that he was the first one to be trapped and poisoned in Joe’s little glass box.
Peach
Shay Mitchell kinda deserved an Emmy for playing Beck’s secretly unhinged bi bestie, NGL. She was one of many who learned the hard way not to look into Joe.
Ron
This guy was the abusive husband of Joe’s apartment neighbor, Claudia. Joe kills Ron to protect Claudia’s son, Paco. TBH, one of his less problematic kills.
Guinevere Beck
Pour one out for the artsy cool girl (who lived in a ridiculously huge NYC apartment) after she made the fatal mistake of giving Joe Goldberg the time of day.
Season 2 (Los Angeles)
Jasper
Jasper is the shady dude from the dark web who goes after Joe because Joe stole the identity of a scrub named Will, who owed Jasper money. Naturally, Joe ends up chopping Jaspen into a dozen pieces in the kitchen.
Henderson
Chris D’Elia portrayed this twisted comedian with a predatory secret, and, um, that was a choice. Moving on, Henderson was one of Joe’s more righteous kills.
Season 3 (The Bay Area)
Ryan
Ryan (played by Cappy from Greek, mind you) was pushed off a parking structure and then stabbed in the chest to avenge Marienne. The best part of this blatant crime of passion is Joe thinking anyone would believe it was a mugging.
Love Quinn
Love really tried to match Joe’s freak after he brainwashed her into loving him while working at her family store, Anavrin. The magic ran out when they got to Madre Lista and essentially fought over who could ruin more gossipy townspeople’s and mommy bloggers’ lives to make the other jealous. In the end, Joe bested Love at her own game and killed her with poison after she attempted to paralyze him with aconite from the garden. Just couples’ things!
Season 4 (London)
Malcolm
Malcolm was one of many, many Brits to meet their premature end thanks to Joe. This cheeky chappy was found dead by his good friend Joe in the season premiere, which sends Joe on a mission to find the “Eat The Rich Killer”. But in Part 2, it’s revealed that Joe was the killer all along. Shock!
Simon Soo
The pretentious painter gets offed in his studio. Joe added a special touch by cutting off Simon’s ear like Van Gogh.
Vic
Phoebe’s security guard was just doing his job, if we’re being honest when Joe attacked him in the castle basement and then buried him on top of Simon’s grave.
Gemma
Gemma is another spoiled rich kid who falls victim to Joe’s campaign to end classicism the violent way.
Rhys Montrose
Joe strangled the golden boy of the elite Oxford gang because he hallucinated that Rhys was the murderer, whacking all of their friends. Oops!
Hugo
Another bodyguard who was just clocking in for work, SMH. Hugo went down (literally, Joe cut his achilles) trying to protect his boss, millionaire businessman Tom Lockwood.
Tom Lockwood
Greg Kinnear playing the bad guy was an unexpected twist, but Joe strangling him to death with a plastic bag was pretty par for the course. Joe had it out for Tom because he’d become obsessed with Tom’s daughter, Kate.
Edward
Joe’s last kill of the season was extra messed up because he blamed it on his prize student, Nadia, after she asked one too many questions and figured out Joe had gotten rid of Rhys.
Topics: Entertainment, TV
Marissa Dow