The winner of the Super Bowl LIX has yet to be determined but the hottest team in the NFL has already been crowned since the preseason, at least in my house. Not only have The Philadelphia Eagles had a record-breaking NFL season, leading them to soar to the final game of the year, but they’ve been damn sexy while doing it. You don’t have to be a cutie patootie with dimples that could solve world hunger to run 2,005 rushing yards, but Saquon managed to do both and make it look easy.

There’s been a lot of unjust Jalen Hurts slander on the pundit circle (which he has beautifully silenced with a historic NFC Conference Championship win in January 2025) but one thing they could never say about my QB is that he wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous. Like the tush push doesn’t seem so horrible with #1 right in the middle, if you know what I mean. If you’re wondering why I’m wasting time ogling my boys instead of focusing on the game I have two simple responses. One, what the hell else am I supposed to do to squash the nervous jitters still several days away from the night that will determine if I can enjoy the entirety of February? Two, if you think your team is full of uggos, just say that!!

Without further ado I present to you, the hottest players on The Philadelphia Eagles, which (spoiler alert) is actually all of them.

Philadelphia Eagles Hottest Players

Jalen Hurts

Relationship Status: Engaged

A reporter asked Jalen “How can I get more handsome?” because the reporter’s girlfriend had (correctly) assessed that Jalen was “the most handsome quarterback in this league.” Jalen casually responded that it “sounds like a DNA thing” and TBH, he’s so right. Like, how is it that he shows up in the same Super Bowl-issue white sweatsuit that a certain other quarterback is also wearing, and yet Jalen looks like he’s fresh off the runway? I guess there’s no explaining why God put this gorg little Alabama angel on earth to make all the other boys feel inferior, but I’m so glad he did <3.

Saquon Barkley

Relationship Status: Engaged

saquon barkley

Our unstoppable running back recently got engaged, but I’ma keep looking, respectfully!!! (Sorry, Anna). I must admit, seeing the dad of two scorch every defensive line in the league and then swing around his little girls after the game makes me want a turn at being babygirl.

DeVonta Smith

Relationship Status: Engaged

devonta smith

I could watch videos of the six-foot wide receiver strut into the Linc all Sunday long (and sometimes, I do!). Everything is smooth about DeVonta from his name to the way he slides into the end zone. If I speak further, I will be fined.

Jordan Mailata

Relationship Status: Married

jordan mailata

Jordan is a big boy, and yes, that’s a good thing. The offensive brick wall has been morphing into Bane on the field lately and let me just say the dark side looks good on him.

Reed Blankenship

Relationship Status: Engaged

reed blankenship

Reed is another certified Big and Tall gent on the field who’s pretty hard to miss. As a safety, he’s been responsible for forcing several fumbles with his bestie Cooper Dejean, and I suspect many heartbreaks off the field, too.

Zack Baun

Relationship Status: Married

zack baun

What if Mr. Clean was super hot and could mow over a handful of 200-pound men like it was nothing? His name would be Zack Baun, seems like.

A.J. Brown

Relationship Status: Has a girlfriend

AJ brown

A man who likes to read and multitask??? Very attractive. This little cutie has a smile worth a million bucks (so, good thing he’s being paid 96 million).

Bryce Huff

Relationship Status: Single

bryce huff

Bryce, Bryce, Bryce, where to begin with this stunning defensive end? Let’s keep it simple: his number is zero and coincidentally I have zero complaints about this total 10.

Isaiah Rodgers

Relationship Status: Has a girlfriend

I’d like to personally thank Jeff Lurie, the entire Eagles organization, and, honestly, the mayor of Philadelphia, for bringing Isaiah Jamari Rodgers to my attention. This man could step on me any day.

C.J. Gardner-Johnson

Relationship Status: Single

CJ gardner johnson

Anyone who has watched C.J. play knows he’s a bad boy on the field. In fact, NGL, C.J.’s energy leaves me shaking in my boots sometimes… but that’s not always a bad thing. I’m gonna need my little monster to not get kicked out of SB59, pls & thanks.