Did you feel that? That was the rush of a million Directioners turned Harries sprinting to their computers to apply to be an official Harry Styles Hometown Tour Guide. The UK singer’s village of Holmes Chapel (not that I have to tell you that) is searching for a few Stylish experts to guide visitors through Harry’s favorite childhood haunts. If you’ve been following since the X Factor days (and if you haven’t then why are you still here?) then you’ll already be deeply familiar with some of the stops like the Mandeville Bakery where little Harry used to serve up Watermelon Sugar-y Sweets and the Twemlow Viaduct now adorably nicknamed “Harry’s Wall” (we love a rebrand).
So what does the Harry Styles tour guide application entail? We’ve heard there’s a strenuous knowledge exam followed by an interview series to weed out the fairweather fans from the Harryween Queens. Betches has gained access to a *very real* exclusive sampling of the test shared below.
First applicants must answer how many performers Harry has dated in the past.
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If your answer is just one musical ex-girlfriend (Taylor Swift) then too bad so sad, you’ve already failed. Harry has dated two princesses of pop: Taylor and the supreme Pussycat doll, Nicole Scherzinger. (Real fans would probably answer three if you’re counting Olivia Wilde’s iconic Trump Tour That’s It performance).
Next, Harries must speed-write an entire fanfic (NOT involving Louis Tomlinson) to explain the real reason Harry buzzed his head back in the summer of ’23. The stories will be judged on their ability to be turned into another smash hit for Harry’s next album and/or adaptability into the pop star’s next Hollywood role. Careful with the spice level, though. The fanfics will be evaluated by Harry’s #1 cheerleader Anne Twist, and hasn’t Harry’s sweet mum had to read enough nonsense already?
Finally, stans will then move onto an interactive portion where they must prove their creative prowess by singing Harry’s first X Factor audition song in front of One Direction’s founding father Simon Cowell, which is… let’s say it together… Isn’t She Lovely by Stevie Wonder. A bonus round will invite applicants to freehand draw the matching tattoo Harry shares with Ed Sheeran for extra points.
If all of that sounds like a piece of cake then you’re fit for the job! Unfortunately, that is obviously not the real application. The local Chesire township is inviting well-versed residents to fill out a Harry’s Home Village Tour Guide form online if they’re available throughout the summer of 2024. There’s no mention of visa sponsorship for any dedicated international Harry’s House-mates, but as Harry himself once said “a dream is only a dream until you decide to make it real”.