Swifties have been waiting for The Tortured Poets Department for exactly two months and two weeks since Taylor announced it at the Grammys. Back then, all we had were our hopes and dreams, and a few unhinged theories. Was the album inspired by Joe’s Tortured Man group chat? Were we getting a “I can’t believe my Travy made it to the big game” football love song? RIP to the AI version of “Fortnight,” which was frankly a bop. After agonizing over all the possible sounds and subject matters, we’ve finally arrived at release day and are getting all our ridiculous questions answered.
If I had to sum up how I’m feeling in two words, it would be… depressed and baffled. The Joe content was to be expected at least, but the Matty content is genuinely shocking. The loss of her life! We really couldn’t have seen this particular album coming. A lot of the lyrics about both Brits are beyond my reading comprehension level, some are pointedly millennial, and all the devastating heartbreak content is just too much. We must take time to process and reflect. As a fan who’s been here since “Teardrops On My Guitar,” here’s a formal ranking of my fave vulnerable songs on The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology. All other rankings are wrong, BTW.
An Official Ranking Of My Top 10 Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology Songs
1. Down Bad
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2. Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?
3. Clara Bow
4. But Daddy, I Love Him
5. loml
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6. thanK you aiMee
7. My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys
8. I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)
9. So Long, London
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10. How Did It End?