It’s officially The Tortured Poets Department release week, so I sincerely hope you’re ready to dive into preparation mode. This isn’t any old album, people. This is the Joe Alwyn Breakup Album millions of parasocial fans have been waiting for. With track titles like “But Daddy I Love Him” and “My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys,” it seems like Taylor’s finally ready to tell Swifties (at least part of) the breakup story.
TTPD basically marks Taylor’s sixth Joe-inspired album. Reputation told the story of how they fell in love, Lover was a loud celebration of their romance, and folklore and evermore were likely not all fiction, I’m so sorry to break it to you. Then, we had Midnights, which many Swiftie scientists believe to be an almost-breakup album of sorts. Needless to say, there are a lot of epic lyrics about the British actor. Too many to count. To prepare us for TTPD, I’ve ranked some of my personal favorite (and least favorite) Joe lines.
7. Karma is my boyfriend / Karma is a god
Is this the best line she’s ever written? I will be so bold and say no. “Karma” is still an iconic song though! (Taylor’s and JoJo’s.) Especially the “guy on the Chiefs” version.
6. We could leave the Christmas lights up ’till January / This is our house, we make the rules
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Listen. I know “Lover” is a fan fave and classic but. I never liked this opening line. Like, yes, I assume everyone who celebrates Christmas does that. And I understand that’s supposed to be her point, but it just doesn’t hit the right way. Sue me.
5. You know I love a London boy / I enjoy walking Camden Market in the afternoon / He likes my American smile / Like a child when our eyes meet, darling, I fancy you
I will be so honest right now: “London Boy” made me apply to study abroad in London. Clearly, I did not have the same geography qualms as other fans did. This is a middle-of-the-road lyric because yes there’s a cliché element for sure, but this song will always have a special place in my heart.
4. Don’t blame me, love made me crazy / If it doesn’t, you ain’t doin’ it right / Lord, save me, my drug is my baby / I’ll be usin’ for the rest of my life
THE BEST TAYLOR SWIFT SONG. I’m a Reputation girlie through and through, and this masterpiece is one of my all-time faves. She really took us to steamy church with the lyrics and vocals on “Don’t Blame Me.”
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3. And I wouldn’t marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her
I think I definitely choked the first time I heard this revealing tune. Taylor snuck in “You’re Losing me” as a Midnights bonus track, casually dropping the most devastating lines ever written. I’m still recovering from pathological people pleaser.
2. Only bought this dress so you could take it off / Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-OFFFF
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Again, I identify as a Reputation girl, and I believe this is one of the most poetic lines she’s ever come up with. Look me in the eye and tell me “Dress” doesn’t make you feel alive. You can’t.
1. Teal was the color of your shirt / When you were sixteen at the yogurt shop / You used to work at to make a little money
In the No. 1 slot, we have one of the most important Joe lyrics in pop culture history. This sneaky part of the first verse in “Invisible String” is the most widely known “Poor Joe” diss. (Honorable mentions include: “Paper Rings” and “Cruel Summer.”)
