Unpacking Every Detail In Tom Sandoval’s ‘New York Times’ Article

Just when you think Tom Sandoval can’t possibly outdo himself, he goes and does something even more unfathomable than before. And that, my friends, is exactly what happened on February 20 when his profile with The New York Times dropped. Faster than you can say “worm with a mustache,” one particularly ill-advised quote (to put it mildly) went viral in which he compared Scandoval to the death of George Floyd (yes, you read that correctly). If homeboy is saying stuff like that on the record with the newspaper of record, then who knows what the rest of the article could possibly look like… and who knows what he’s saying on a daily basis. I read the lengthy piece written by Irina Aleksander so that you don’t have to and compiled the most insane, mind-blowing, incomprehensible and genuinely hilarious moments below. Let’s unpack the entirety of Tom Sandoval’s New York Times article, shall we?

Comparisons That Just Don’t Work

As I mentioned above, the most egregious moment from the article is when Sandoval says he “witnessed the O.J. Simpson thing and George Floyd and all these big things, which is really weird to compare this to that,” before asking the writer, “but do you think in a weird way it’s a little bit the same?” No, sweetie, we don’t. The writer is spot-on when she says that, while he was probably trying to convey what it’s been like being at the center of an all-encompassing news story, he instead inadvertently proved “just how much the experience had made him lose perspective.” Comparing a reality TV cheating scandal to the murder of a Black man at the hands of a police officer or the trial of a man accused of murdering his own wife is wrong on so many levels. Point blank period.

And, no, those weren’t the only cultural references he compared himself to. At one point he says that he feels like he “got more hate than Danny Masterson, and he’s a convicted rapist.” Again, not really analogous, but okay. He also expressed that he felt like Adam Sandler’s character from Uncut Gems, the movie for which Julia Fox famously served as Josh Safdie’s muse. Sandler’s character spends the entire movie evading his associates because he can’t pay them back what he owes them and winds up being killed, so… not sure that comparison really flies, either.

Not Him Coming for Jojo Siwa…

Image Credit: FOX

When discussing his time on Special Forces, a show that finished airing months ago, Sandoval reveals that he’s still upset that producers made it look like 20-year-old former Dance Moms star Jojo Siwa made it further than him even though he swears “she most definitely did not.” Lest we remind you that Jojo literally carried Tom on her back during the competition series. Put some respect on her name!

The Sandoval Strip Show That Never Was

On the topic of new opportunities that the Pump Rules cast has gotten in the wake of Scandoval, we also learned that Sandoval was in talks to be part of the male strip show The Chippendales in Las Vegas. Could you imagine the alternate universe in which the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills cast went to see his performance instead of Magic Mike? Something tells me Sutton still would’ve stormed out, but maybe for different reasons.

Rachel (And Her Publicist) Ghosted Him

Yes, Sandoval also did discuss Miss Leviss, who he said “never” gave him “any closure” and basically just ghosted him. It was “really hard” for him, so he went so far as to reach out to her publicist… who also left him on read. Later on, he said that he wouldn’t be surprised if Rachel came back to the show in a season or two because “what else is she going to do?” Ouch.

He doesn’t seem too heartbroken, though, because he seemed positively giddy over the fact that this is the first time he’s been single “as a celebrity” and that “having some notoriety and being single” is “a cool muscle to flex.” I’m sure all of the women at his cover band’s shows really love that about him!

It’s Giving Cringe

There were a bunch of other fascinating little details scattered throughout the article, too, like Sandoval saying that Ariana “beat my ass” the night she found out about the affair (we knew Scheana hit Rachel, but I don’t think we knew that Ariana allegedly hit Sandoval behind TomTom) and that his own brother asked him to delete photos of him from his Instagram. I also LOL’d when Sandoval was discussing why he found success during his early modeling days. He says that he “had a versatile look, because I could do this, like, ‘Daddy doesn’t love me’ emo look, and I could do a more slicked-back look.” I’m just gonna leave that one there.

Fan-Turned-Crisis-PR-Queen Rylie

As if all of the above wasn’t ridiculous enough on its own, keep in mind that all of it was said in the presence of Sandoval’s 23-year-old publicist “with background in crisis PR” and she seems to be more of a fan who found her way into the belly of the beast than anything. She nearly steals the show with her aloof “pick me” vibes, affirming nearly everything Sandoval says during the interview. That being said, she did seem to recognize the level of fuck-up that the George Floyd comment represented, because the writer notes that Rylie started furiously typing on her phone… later resulting in Irina being disinvited from Sandoval filming a confessional the next day and a call from executive-producer Alex Baskin. Clearly, she was running that one up the chain.

“Come to Jesus” Moment

Speaking of the VPR EP, he revealed that Alex Baskin invited the entire cast to his production company’s offices in the middle of filming for a “Come to Jesus” moment because of how the season’s filming was going so far, telling the writer that, “We can still squeeze a great season out of it, but going forward, I don’t know.” In other words, production knew that the first half of the season wasn’t going to hit with viewers, so if this cast wants another season, they were going to have to get their shit together STAT. Can we get to that part of the season already?