It’s easy to forget, but there was a time when selling real estate on reality TV was more about showcasing sexy penthouses than the most expensive off-the-runway looks the agents can afford but it’s true. If you were too busy bingeing a back catalog of Real Housewives episodes to be familiar with Million Dollar Listing’s Ryan Serhant like myself, then the universe has now given you another chance. Ryan has organized a new team of New York City real estate agents with the mission of making his real estate brokerage SERHANT. the most profitable property-selling group in the city (it’s currently ranked sixth most profitable in the city). Naturally, because this is reality television where stars tend to have a flair for the dramatic, Ryan has assembled the most frighteningly confident group of type A attention whores the big apple has to offer. So much so that viewers are questioning if these self-professed cutthroat people are even real. Serhant himself has confirmed, though some were casted in to his brokerage specifically for the show, that every agent is in fact a qualified sales professional and not a walking AI designed around the words “money hungry.” Making real estate more obnoxious? Very betchy move, Mr. Serhant. A full explainer of the Owning Manhattan cast ranked from least to most Betchy feels very necessary atp.

Ranking the cast of Owning Manhattan

Jonathan (27)

Why does this man give if MGK decided to start a new career in real estate? Jonathan is a New York transplant from Denmark who is the newest broker on the block. Ryan brought Jonathan in because of his expertise in “loft parties” and “models” he meets at Soho House. Enough said, right? Surprisingly, Jonathan isn’t dating any of said models since Jonathan is married to a fashion girlie named Devon. SPOILER ALERT AHEAD: Unsurprisingly, Jonathan is claiming his being fired from SERHANT. for talking shit about his boss was a masterminded plan to get out of his contract. Sure, Jan.

Nile (39)

Nile has his own team, The Lundgren Team, and boy does he make sure everybody knows it. When Nile unironically pitched himself the “the big guns,” “the biggest guns,” and a “cutthroat killer” with “confidence [as his] middle name” I realized that singular hoop earring was the least of his problems. The thing is Nile has sold over 250 million in luxury real estate. A try-hard who actually has no reason to overcompensate? Incredibly unbetchy.

Chloe (33)

Chloe Tucker Caine is actually an incredible Betchy triple name, so three points for Chloe there. However, the combination of Chloe’s exponential theatre-girl energy (I participated in multiple high school musicals, I can say it!) combined with her influencer-obsessed approach to selling real estate is too much for me to handle but maybe I’m just jealous her mom helped her meet her husband on Hinge. The way she kicks Jade when Jade is already down makes it pretty obvious why Chloe never had girlfriends. P.S. take a shot every time Chloe says “cutthroat” or “shark.”

Ryan Serhant (40)

I’m sure Ryan wouldn’t be happy to rank in the middle of the list since coming in first is kind of his thing. Ryan is v talented at waxing poetic about his rags-to-riches path to real estate (he did originally want to be an actor after all), which conveniently focuses a little less on his dad being Vice Chairman of the world’s fourth-largest asset management group. You can tell Ryan is trying to serve daddy, but it’s translating more as dad humor. Filling up his toddler Zina’s inbox with email memories is kind of cute before you remember how many emails you have to read as an adult. I do appreciate his strong commitment to perfectly colored hair.

Jess M. (31)

Jess describes herself as a combination of Ryan Serhant and Kim Kardashian which is on paper is a new reality TV nightmare character unlocked. In practice, Jess seems kind of like a good time girl, until she starts picking Jonathan over Savannah for the sake of social media. Is Jess a girl’s girl or a snake in the grass? Still TBD. But her commitment to keeping a wine glass in hand must be applauded regardless.

Savannah (26)

Savannah calling Jonathan out for being “stupid” and “unnecessary” instead of crying about his rude email? Yep, I’m sold. She’s an absolute sweetheart, who knows how to clock other people’s tea and hold her own during an interrogation led by a tattooed man-child, and that is basically triple-threat material.

Jade (28)

Any woman wronged by her man immediately has my support. Jade opening up about her affair on camera was #brave but what’s even better is how she carries the entire commercial department of SERHANT. on her back. Jade was already the betch I wanted to hang with the most as a relatable AF “New Yorker without a permit”, but her making friends with Shannon Beador has further solidified her ability to hang.

Tricia Lee (50)

Image Credit: Instagram/lovetricialee

I know for a fact Tricia could read me for filth, and for that reason alone I respect the fuck out of her. Did I take personal offense to her shading the entire city of Philadelphia? Yes, I did, and yet her humidity-proof silk press, nail skills as a former salon owner, and impeccable taste, in general, make her an instant classic. Are her and Jeffrey taking applications for adopting 30-year-old children, perhaps?

Jordan (36)

Sitting around a luxury NYC apartment with Jordan, a stiff cocktail, and someone crying in the bathroom pretty much sounds like my dream Sunday afternoon. Jordan is Ryan’s assistant turned successful agent, and the fact that Ryan constantly begs him to come back is a major flex. The fact that Jordan won’t come back without Ryan paying a ridiculous fee is an even bigger flex. I wish there was footage of his arrest in Mexico while he was there for a friend’s wedding, but knowing he beelined directly out of prison to the wedding ceremony is too iconic.